Bog Spavin - The feeling of panic when riding through a muddy area.  Also used to refer to horses who throw a fit at having to go through water puddles.

Bran - A wheat by-product occasionally fed moistened to horses, most usually applied as spackel or stucco on owner.

Colic - The gastro-intestinal result of eating at the food stands at horse shows. 

Colt - What your mare always gives you when you want a filly.

Contracted Foot - The involuntary and instant reflex of curling one's toes up - right before a horse steps on your foot.

Corn - Small callus growths formed from the continual wearing of riding boots.

Drench - Term used to describe the condition an owner is in after they administer electrolytes to their horse.

Endurance Ride - The end result when your horse spooks and runs away with you.

Equitation - The ability to keep a smile on your face and proper posture while your horse tries to prance, shy and buck his way around a show ring.

Feed - Expensive substance utilized in the manufacture of large quantities of manure.

Fences - Decorative perimeter structures built to give a horse something to chew on, scratch against and jump over.

Flies - The excuse of choice a horse uses so he can kick you, buck you off or knock you over - he cannot be punished.

Founder - The discovery of your loose mare - some miles from your farm, usually in a flower bed or cornfield, as in "Hey, I found'er!"

Gallop- The customary gait a horse chooses when returning home.

Gates - Wooden or metal structures built to amuse horses.

Girth Sores - Painful swelling and abrasion made at the point of mid-section by fashionable large western belt buckles.

Grooming - The fine art of brushing the dirt from one's horse and applying it to your own body.

Hay - A green itchy material that collects between layers of clothing, especially in unmentionable places.

Head Tosser - A blonde-haired woman who wears fashion boots while working in the yard.

Heaves - The act of unloading a trailer full of hay.

Hobbles - Describes the walking gait of a horse owner after his/her foot has been stepped on by his/her horse.

Hock - The financial condition that a horse owner goes into.

Hoof Pick - Useful, curbed metal tool utilized to remove hardened dog doo from the treads of your endurance shoes.

Horse Shoes - Expensive semi-circular projectiles that horses like to throw.

Inbreeding - The breeding results of broken/inadequate paddock fencing.

Jumping - The characteristic movement that an equine makes when given a vaccine or has his hooves trimmed.

Lameness - The condition of most riders after the first few rides each year; can be a chronic condition in old or weak riders.

Lead Rope - A long apparatus instrumental in the administration of rope burns.  Also used by excited horses to take a handler for a drag.

Lungeing - A training method a horse uses on its owner with the purpose of making the owner spin in circles-rendering the owner dizzy and light-headed so that they get sick and pass out, so the horse can go back to eating. 

Overreaching - A descriptive term used to explain the condition your credit cards are in by the end of show season. 

Parasites - Small children who get in your way when you work in the yard.  Many gather in swarms at horse shows.

Pinto - A colourful (usually green) coat pattern found on a freshly washed and sparkling clean grey horse that was left unattended in his stable for ten minutes.

Race - What your heart does when you see the vet bill.

Rasp - An abrasive, long, flat metal tool used to remove excess skin from the knuckles.

Reins - Break-away device used to tie horses with.

Saddle - An expensive leather contraption manufactured to give the rider a false sense of security. Comes in many styles, all feature built-in ejector seats.

Saddle Sore - The way the rider's bottom feels the morning after the weekend at a ride. 

Sleeping Sickness - A disease peculiar to mare owners while waiting for their mares to foal.  Caused by nights of lost sleep, symptoms include irritability, red baggy eyes and a zombie-like waking state.  Can last several weeks.

Splint - An apparatus that can be applied to various body parts of a rider due to the parting of the ways of a horse and his passenger.

Tack Room - A room where every item necessary to work with or train your horse has been put, in a place where it cannot be found in less than 30 minutes.

Twisted Gut - The feeling deep inside that most riders get before a ride starts.

Versatility - An owner's ability to shovel manure, fix fences and chase down a loose horse in one afternoon.

Vet Catalogue - An illustrated brochure provided to horse owners that features a wide array of products that are currently out of stock or have been dropped from a company's inventory.

Weaving - The movement a horse trailer makes while going down the road with a rambunctious horse in it.

Whip Marks - The tell-tale raised welts on the face of a rider-caused by the trail rider directly in front of you letting a low hanging branch go.  (Also caused by a swishing wet or dry horse tails across the face while cleaning hooves.)

Withers - The reason you'll seldom see a man riding bareback.

Yearling - The age at which all horses completely forget the things you taught them previously.

Young stock - A general term used for all equines old enough to bite, kick or run you over, but not yet old enough to dump you on the ground.